French Etiquette 101: Your Guide To French Manners

The French have mastered the art of etiquette. While many other countries have a more relaxed approach to everyday manners and conduct, one of the many cultural differences that stands out to visitors and expats alike is the often-rigid nature of etiquette across France.

From greeting and addressing others to table manners and how to conduct yourself in public, the art of French etiquette is something that takes time to master, but is something that the French take a lot of pride in.

Our guide to French etiquette and manners aims to give you the right advice on how to adapt to local customs, and how to behave in various social situations.

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Tu or vous? 

How you communicate through language is central to life in France. Even if you’re not fluent in French, one of the basic ways of demonstrating manners is by learning which pronoun to use in which setting – “tu” or “vous”. Both words mean “you” (ie. when you are addressing someone), but one is informal and one is formal. Use “tu” with people you are close with – family, friends or children much younger than you. “Vous” should always be used with strangers and people significantly older than you. “Vous” is also plural, so should be used when addressing a group.

For example, using “tu” to address a waiter, an elderly stranger or a doctor you visit is a big no-no and seen as too informal. Similarly, using “vous” to address your best friend, a child or your mother is too formal. These are all things you learn early on in French language classes, and it soon becomes second nature.  

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The use of formal titles

It is equally as important to address people in formal settings with their relevant title. Monsieur is used for males, Madame for females and Mademoiselle for young women (and nuns!). However, Mademoiselle has in recent years been officially replaced by Madame. This is similar to using Mr or Mrs in English. These titles demonstrate politeness, and are often used in formal contexts like business, school or when addressing older people.

An example of this would be introducing your boss to a new employee. You would introduce your boss as Monsieur / Madame [enter either full name or simply their surname]. 

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Master “La Bise” like a local 

The French are renowned for “La Bise”, their traditional kiss on the cheek greeting. This greeting can be strange at first for foreigners, but it is part of French life and ritual. “Faire la bise” actually doesn’t involve kissing the person’s cheek directly. It is done simply by putting your cheek to theirs and kissing the air, usually once on each cheek. Women regularly greet each other this way, and some women and men. People often greet children this way too.

It is important to note that “la bise” is only generally used in settings where everyone is a societal equal. Friends, family and close colleagues, for example. Unless the superior person in a formal interaction initiates it, avoid going for this kissing greeting – just to be safe!

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Remember the basics

The French are strict on maintaining etiquette and manners. Like with most countries across the globe, this extends to the basics – “please” and “thank you”. In any interaction, formal or informal, it is polite to use these words to demonstrate gratitude. 

For example, when placing your morning order at the local café, finish your order with “s’il vous plaît”. Ie. “Un chocolat chaud, s’il vous plaît.” When you receive your order, thank them by using the words “merci” (thank you) or “merci beaucoup” (thank you very much).  

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The art of French table manners 

There’s maybe no other realm in French life with as many rules for etiquette as dining. However, with practice, navigating the world of dining etiquette becomes second nature. Whether you’re eating at a restaurant, attending a dinner party, or simply sitting down for a relaxed meal with friends, upholding perfect table manners is important.

When attending a formal meal in a venue or at someone’s home, always wait for everyone else to be served and for the host to begin before starting. Use your knife and fork properly, and never eat using your fingers. If someone proposes a toast, always maintain eye contact. If bread is passed around before a meal, it is French custom to tear it into smaller and more manageable chunks, and not to eat it as one large piece. Keep your arms and elbows above the dinner table at all times, and don’t place your hands in your lap or your elbows on the table. Sit upright and eat slowly and with your mouth closed. Always pass dishes to the left, not the right. If you’re a man, pull out the seat of women dining with you. Don’t ask for seconds unless offered them first. After a meal, especially at a dinner party at someone’s home, offer to help clean up. When using the restroom, it is custom to always close the bathroom door behind you when you have finished.

You also get what you get when you get it in France…

Finally, when dining out, an important fact to note is that the French are not fans of altering a set menu. Unlike in America or the UK, it is bad etiquette to make demands for certain ingredients to be removed or added. You generally get what is on the menu in France. In the same realm, the French work at their own speed, and it’s important to adjust to the fact that service can often be slow in France.

Similarly, it is considered bad manners in France to eat outside of a formal eating setting. Eating a croissant on the train or while walking for the bus is uncommon.

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To tip or not to tip?

Tipping in France has evolved in recent years, and you are now not expected to tip in restaurants, cafés and bars. A 15% service fee is already incorporated into the bill at all dining establishments. As a result, there is no expectation to tip extra! However if you receive excellent service and would like to tip your server extra, anything from 5-10% of the total of the bill is a generous tip.   

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French etiquette while out and about 

The French are a unique people, and their expectations of etiquette don’t just fall within the confines or the workplace, while dining or with people they don’t know. While making your way from A to B, it is also important to uphold these customs.

The French don’t appreciate loud talking in public, and they also aren’t big fans of small talk. While the French are open to polite conversation, keep this to surface-level, brief chit chat. Never discuss money, religion, family details, politics or anything similarly personal without the other person broaching the topic first. 

French style is timeless and appreciated across the globe, and part and parcel of French etiquette is dressing conservatively, without showing too much. It’s all about understated elegance. 

Another unique national trait is that the French do not appreciate unannounced visits. While many nationalities “drop in” on others with no issue, this isn’t the case in France. The French don’t enjoy surprise visits, and prefer to make plans well ahead of time. When attending an appointment, event or meeting in France, when to arrive is also a long-held tradition. It is best to arrive right on time, as arriving too early or too late are both seen as equally distasteful.  

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